she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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