God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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