He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
