why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
