What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
