Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
