I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
