i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
