Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
