i just wanna soil my oats bro
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
