I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
