That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
