Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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