Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
