the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
