i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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