Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is wine microwaveable?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
