I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
