We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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