He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
