TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
