shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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