i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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