Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
