There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
please come you make the beer taste better
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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