The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
