Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
