Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
