Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
