When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
try to milk me bitch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
