I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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