i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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