So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
