And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
