It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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