Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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