we have officially lost it.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
