Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
