Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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