I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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