he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
