I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
