too bad you live with your parents still
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
