Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
