Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
