things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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