how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am midnight drunk by noon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
