i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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