At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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