Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
