I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
