I haven't been this sober since birth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
