I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
