Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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