Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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