have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
